Dusk
by sherridin
Summary: Jean is alive again from her planet x death, and Logan helps her make Scott jealous. PG for language.


Dusk

I sit at the dock for what seems like hours. My legs dangle over the water disturbing the lake's surface. I hoist my long skirt up but realize it was too late for that when the damp cloth hit my legs. I continue to gaze off the horizon, off the earth, while visions of something else are filling my mind.

I shake off my stare from the sinking sun. I look at my knuckles instead. They are still red, raw from the beating they took at the gym. But they had stopped bleeding. I rammed my fist on the wooden planks.

"Stop that," A voice behind me say harshly.

I look over my shoulder to see Logan walking towards me.

He sat beside me cross-legged. He takes my right hand and examines them.

"What the hell are you tryin' to do, Jeannie?"

I pull my hand away. "You're back. How was the assignment?"

He ignores the question. "The punching bag didn't hurt you enough?"

"Snoop," I said. "Take your shoes off."

"What?"

"Take them off. The waters' nice."

He did as I say. He dips his feet in the water. "Now all we have to do is wait for the lil' fishes to surface."

I smile, his attempts to cheer me up working already. He can always do that.

"So what happened?"

"Nothing… nothing new. I was just… thinking."

"I didn't know 'thinking' could get ugly like that. Oh wait," he mocked replies, "In your case, it always can."

"Ha ha"

"Look, I'm glad you're finally showing your anger. 'bout time, actually. But pushing yerself like that is not exactly… healthy."

I look at him mock incredulously. "Are you giving me tips on anger management?"

He shrugs. "Well, somebody has too. When you came back, you were so calm, like ya just came back from a long vacation. You ain't only civil to Scott, you were actually _nice_. But you're no saint, Jeannie. I was wondering when you'll finally—"

"Snap?"

"I didn't say that - "

"Go out of control?"

"I know you can handle your powers. No question 'bout that. But that's not the issue."

I keep silent.

"The past weeks you're hitting the bad guys harder, taking huge risks- "

"You're not exactly the right person to give me a lecture on impulsiveness"

"Yeah, but rushing in without backup while the whole brotherhood's breathing on your neck? It's suicide, Jeannie." His eyes flickers. "You're good but someday your powers will not be enough."

"You've done that a lot more times than I could care to count." I cock an eyebrow at him. "Like the time Jubilee was taken by the sentinels or the time at Muir island or when we were tracking down Sabertooth or when you-"

"Yeah, yeah," Logan said gruffly, waving it off, "You don't have to give me the list."

I smile.

"And it's not just that. I'm actually worried about the poor bastards that get in your way. Last week, ya really shook up that moron guard."

"Which moron?"

"The one that kicked you at the back and pulled out a 46."

"Oh him. His filthy thoughts were irking me."

"In that case, I guess it was just fine that ya gave him such a nightmare in his head that he bawled like a baby, threw up his lunch, and peed on his pants, after you punched him to the ground several times, of course"

I narrow my eyes and match his tone. "Are you being sarcastic?"

"Look, the guy deserved what he got. Heck, I'll be the first one to give him shit if you didn't. But it's been happening a lot lately."

"Like you said, they were bastards anyways," I reply, but I get what Logan was saying. He doesn't need to tell me that. I know I've been letting off steam at the wrong direction.

"Why can't you just be mad at him and get this thing over with?" Logan asks. "Everyone's expectin' you to let Scott and Emma have it anyway. Ya don't have to be so nice."

"I'm not blaming him Logan. I'm really not. I still care for him. I…" I feel the familiar tightening in my chest. I give a sharp breath to shake it away.

Since when did I start to shut off my feelings? I never used to do that. But somehow, with this thing, I don't know _what_ to feel.

"You don't have to be so strong all the time."

My eyes began to blur.

Logan puts his arms around me.

Then he draws away abruptly, his face betrays nothing. We sit in silence as the sun begins to touch the water.

"How can you still love him after what he did?"

"I'm not sure love is the right word," I say softly.

"Screw being nice, Jean. Tell me how you really feel."

"I am telling you -"

"Don't insult me. Don't feed me this crap about 'caring for him'"

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you thought."

"He was screwing Emma even before your were dead."

He was provoking me, making me angry. And I'm not about to yield to that.

"It's not like that."

"Face it, he was cheating on you. He was kissing Emma at your grave," he snarled.

I recoil at his words.

He sees the hurt on my face and begin to speak. "I'm sorry. I didn't- -"

But I'm done being felt sorry for. I had enough of their pity, their whispers of poor Jean who was left for another woman.

"Fine, you want to know the truth? It's as much as my doing as it's his. And I hate myself for it. There, happy?"

"Stop it. Why are you blaming yourself?" Logan asks sharply.

"Because I did this too. I hurt him too. And I decided for him. I had to fix it or everything will fall apart."

He looks at me bewildered as if I'm not making sense. Then I realize that I actually don't.

I sink my face in my hands. "Oh God, Logan."

"What do you mean everything will fall apart?"

I take a breath. "I've seen the future when Scott didn't move on after my death. He went downhill, bringing the x-men with him. Then things just got...It bore consequences that the whole world had to suffer from."

Logan looks at me in disbelief. "What do ya mean consequences? Wait, yer saying you changed how Scott feels?"

"He only needs a slight nudge to the right direction," I mumble. "It's the right choice."

"Geez, This is insane. You pushed him to Emma? And how the hell can Summers' actions influence everything in the future? He's not that fuckin' important. What the hell happened to the rest of us?"

"I don't know."

"So you have to push Scott to Emma for humanity's future. That's just bull."

Logan shakes his head. "And I don't understand. You're alive. How can future-Scott grieve and then bring humanity down with him when you're alive in the first place?"

"I wasn't meant to come back."

"Then how come you're here?"

"I don't understand them any more than I did before."

"Them? The 'higher powers'?" he mockingly asks.

"They have their reasons probably. Maybe I'm here to do some more cleansing of the universe again." I shrug. "I'm tired of it, you know. Dying not being sure that I'll outlive that death or just stay dead."

I smile sardonically. "God, only I can say something like that huh? It's pathetic."

"It's not. I'm glad you're back and so are a lot of people."

It's stupid but I needed so much to hear that.

I swirl the water with my feet. "Maybe we're meant to be together, Logan. Your powers defy age and I keep coming back from the grave. Maybe we're like that to keep each other company."

I didn't have to look at him to know that he's smiling. "I hope so. I'm dreadin' the moment when I'll loose you all to time. I hope ya stay with me."

I bristle when I sensed a familiar presence behind me. It's faint. He's probably a good few meters away but there's no doubt that it's him. I wonder if Logan caught his scent.

"You can still fight for him you know," he says, narrowing his eyes. "Nudge him back to you. It's only fair. An eye for an eye," he smirks.

"Emma would be furious." I smile.

"She'll be furious if she knew you pushed him to her in the first place."

"No, I'll play fairly."

"If you say so. You can always use the usual tactics anyways. They're just as effective."

"What tactics?"

Without a word, Logan moves closer and drapes his arm across my shoulder. "Like this."

I laugh. "Like this?" I put my hand across his waist and leaned my body against his, inhaling his scent. He smells nice, musky, earthy.

"You're catching on quick darlin'," he murmurs in my ear.

"He's looking isn't he?"

"Yeah and he's trying not to make a single sound."

I close my eyes and catch Scott's presence. I can feel his frustration, his regret, his sadness, and most of all his jealousy, raw, glaring jealousy.

I smile, pleased to know that Scott can still feel protective towards me. I don't know if it's sick to hunger for this reaction, but for now it's a piece of satisfaction.

Now he feels what I feel.

Then for a second I wanted to bring it up to a notch and kiss Logan on the lips. But then I'm not sure if making Scott jealous is my real motive for that kiss.

Logan slowly withdraws his arm. "Yep, that'll do it. He's probably boiling right now."

"I'm not exactly sure I want to be with him anymore," I say slowly, surprised to actually meaning my words. "I miss him, sure, but I don't know if that's what I really want. I'm moving on too."

"Atta girl," he grins, "Finally coming to your senses."

I look at my hands and study the damaged skin of my knuckles. "It's just not that easy. Sometimes I'm so angry at him, then sometimes I just want him…It's just sad, you know?

"People change, things change. If being an x-man taught us anything, it's that change, even the worst kind, might turn out to be good. And you breakin' away from Scott might be the best thing that'll happen to you."

I take in his words but remain skeptic. How can I possibly let go of a ten-year romance? To let go of a love that literally transcended deaths? To let go of a person who's practically a part of my being?

It hurts so much in ways I can't describe.

Logan looks at me, his kind brown eyes meeting mine. "Just take it a step at a time and you'll do fine," he answers my thoughts without even needing to hear them.

I forget that I have people around me to make things easier.

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Same here." He replies. "You and me, Red. You and me-"

"-in a blaze of glory," I recall in a murmur.

He looks at me in surprise. I repeated the words he said when I was dying - dead in his arms. We were left in ruins then, about to face the sun. We thought its blinding light was the last thing that we're going to see.

But here we are now, very much alive, looking at the harmless orb, that once threatened to consume us, descend beneath the waters.

He smiles and keeps quiet.

Suddenly I feel ready to face Scott.

But not that quite.

"Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Even if I don't want to be with Scott anymore, can we still keep up this act to make him jealous? Just for a while?"

I still want to have my fun. At least until I don't need it anymore.

He laughs, and I take that as a yes.


End file.
